Writer's Block... I think...

I’m stumped.
I can’t think of a single thing to write. I told my brain that this time was the time to come up with something.
I even scheduled it on my calendar.
Here I am sitting and staring at my computer.
What should I write about?

Today I want to write something funny.
Well how about an infomercial?
No, I’ve done enough of those for a while.
How about a fake letter.
No, I just did that.
How about-
How about you shut up and let me think for a minute! Jesus. You’re always talking and offering suggestions, but you don’t know what I like anymore. You don’t know me.
I’m just trying to help.
Well stop trying to help. Just give me some space to breathe! Jesus, I feel like I’m suffocating with all the ideas you’re trying to force me to do.
I’m sorry.
Well, I’m sorry I yelled at you.
What would you like to write about?
I don’t know! Can’t we talk about something else ever?!
Ok.
Ok then!
…
Shit, I’m sorry.
…
I’m just going through a lot right now, and sitting here trying to write something is putting a lot of pressure on me, you know?
I know.
Well, I don’t mean to snap at you, and I know you’re just trying to help.
…
I’m sorry.
I also apologize. Maybe I should just let you do your own thing for a while. You’re good at coming up with ideas.
No I’m not, YOU are. You’re the part of my brain that comes up with ideas. I’m the part that is impassioned and temperamental and proud of it!
I can do other things too.
…
It’s true. I’m the part that’s abstract and thinks on a higher plane.
Are you condescending to me?
What?! No-
Yes you are. You’re saying you’re better than me because you can think of big stupid things like God and Politics and Ethics and Energy and Soul-krap-stuff!
That doesn’t mean I’m better than you.
You’re damn right it doesn’t! Let me tell you something pal; I’m down to earth. I’m with the people. I’m not all hoity-toity. I’m gritty. I’m mean. I’m like a lone-wolf bounty hunter private investigator renegade, ok? People would KILL to be like me in real life.
I’m sure they would.
Well you just watch your mouth, ‘cuz I’m also a loaded gun.
…It seems like it’s very easy to upset you today.
Yeah, so?
I’m just saying.
So maybe I’m a little uptight today. I can admit that. my job is very stressful. You just come up with the ideas, I’m the one that has to hammer them out with fingers and sweat and tears and blood and stuff.
You bleed and sweat when you type?
No, but. You know, it’s a saying.
I see. Well this seems to have gone rather poorly. Shall we try again soon?
Yeah I guess. I’ll take a break and have an imaginary cigarette and cool off, ok?
Sounds good.
This didn’t turn out very funny.
Not really, no.
Well what if I tell a joke.
I don’t think that will help.
Oh come on!!!
Very well.
So there’s this Jewish nun, right?
Right.
…
…
Get it?
Is that the whole joke?
Well, it’s based on true life, so I think people can relate to it in a real sense.
There’s no punch line.
…
That’s like saying “so there’s the Eiffel tower” and then that’s supposed to be a joke.
…You didn’t like it.
Well… I was expecting a real joke, not something you just made up.
Yeah I know.
Let’s just try again in a bit, ok?
K. Bye.
Goodbye.