Club

Acid techno thumps.
Lasers race across the floor and over the dancing crowd. Colours in the black.
Sweat. The smell of humans.
Moving, shifting, grinding, undulating. Rhythm.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Everyone's clothing is tight, like skin. Your long coat is out of place here.
You make your way through the crowd, parting the sea with your presence.
Scan the large room.

There.

Second floor. Dancing with a girl.
Lasers illuminate their faces in colourful flashes.
She smiles. He smiles.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Bodies gyrating, swirling, heating.
She thinks he's human.

Remove your disruptor from its holster.

Move slowly up the stairs. Closer. Behind.
Dancing, smiling, seducing, touching, teasing, flirting, promising.
Sweat flings from other dancers onto your face.
She is enjoying him.
He is enjoying her.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Three rounds.

Collapse. Sparking.

Her face transitions through emotions.
Few other people notice.
Her eyes stand apart from the crowd.
Spinning limbs and bobbing heads frame her stationary face.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Dancing, thrusting, grasping, shifting, sliding, clutching.
Lasers wash over bodies in shifting patterns.
Move down the stairs. Through the crowd.

Out into the night.

George Washington's Body Discovered!

Thought by many to be lost to the sands of time, archaeologists recently unearthed the body of the first president of the United States, George Washington. For hundreds of years, the disappearance and presumed death of the first president was shrouded in mystery, but now it appears that many shocking details are finally coming to light. Groundbreaking as this discovery is, it appears that for the scientific community, there are now more questions than answers.

Professor Keith Buhrningman, head of the American History department at Stanford University, has openly stated that he "will never think of ol' Georgie boy the same again." When pressed for actual details, prof. Buhrningman declined to comment further. However, a factual rumour overheard in the lab stated that the famous legend of the late president’s wooden teeth was grossly understated and perhaps even downplayed.
Doctor Thomas Wūdstock, Harvard drop-out, is soon to release a book, The Six Hundred Dollar Man, detailing the scientific community's findings.
"I can't give too much away, but I will say that from our early observations, it appears that his teeth weren't the only wooden part of George Washington. Over two-thirds of Washington's body was replaced with rich, polished wood! And not just bones; a few major organs were replaced with extremely intricate wooden cogs and machinery. Buy my book.”
When asked which organs were replaced, and what powered the wooden machinery, Wūdstock replied,”It's easy to get swept up in all this “wooden man” hooplah, but people are forgetting the most important mystery of all: what kind of wood it is. My money is on mahogany. Keith and most other scientists have bet on oak, so if I'm right, more winnings for me! Oh, also, his body was riddled with bullet holes, which is important to historians, but not important to scientists. Buy my book.”

Secret reports passed between scientists contain Da Vinci-esque diagrams of what can only be described as a half-human, half-wooden cyborg.
This new information has sparked endless speculation, not only in the scientific community, but also in popular online chat communities or “chatmunities”.

Self-named "Doc" “Reginald” “McSteamery” runs the website Steampunkjunkie.com, where chat topics have ranged from the light-hearted "Washington costume ideas!" to the cryptic "Ye olde conspiracie? WTF?!"
Doc McSteamery states, "This is so totally awesome! Did you see the gears and machinery? Made of REAL WOOD?! God, that's just so... I mean the craftsmanship... wow! If they find out he has brass parts too or was steam-powered, I'll die. I'll literally die. This is truly another great first for America; we're the greatest great in the entire great!"

The implications this information has for America's- and even maybe the world's- history, is staggering. A wooden cyborg as first president might possibly mean taking a second glance at the rules regarding presidential elections and appointments. If this seems sure to raise political controversy, it won't be the first time; this presidential secret stirred the controversy kettle, even in Washington's time.

Alongside Washington's body was found a partially-burned confession letter. In it, Aaron Burr writes that “two hired goons” coerced him into “murdering [his] only friend, Alexander Hamilton.” The letter then states the two goons, “Franklin and Adams”, told Burr that “Hamilton knew too much for his own big mouth” and that Burr “had to shut him up real bullet-like.” The confession goes on to say that Washington was intending to silence Hamilton himself, but that he ultimately “didn’t want to get his greasy wooden mitts dirty” in connection with the murder. It's certainly difficult to envision America's first president as a wooden cyborg president, but a wooden cyborg assassin president sounds even more fantastical. Is there any proof of George Washington as a killer, aside from the well-documented accounts of his battles?
A third item was found in Washington's hidden tomb: A wooden gun held in his human right hand, next to several wooden bullets. The gun appears to have fit neatly inside the president's hollow right thigh, which was entirely wooden, velvet-lined, and opened up specifically for gun-storage. The last item in the casket, a wooden pepper mill labeled “Whompin’ Washington’s pepper spray” was found resting in a holster in Washington’s leather belt. The gun and pepper spray combination has led top police experts to believe Washington may have served as a kind of judge, jury, and executionary robotic law enforcer.
“No doubt about it, Washington ran this country with a wooden fist,” says New York Chief of Police Randy Fish. Fish is not pleased with Buhrningman, Wūdstock or any of the other music festivals scientists.
“At first I thought those scientists were doing good work, but any first-year cop can tell you that only most of the holes in Washington’s body are bullet holes; the rest of ‘em are termites holes. From the angle of the bullet entry wounds, my forensics department has concluded that Washington was such a badass, he actually shot the termites out of himself from time to time.”

But what of the larger picture? Does this evidence of primitive technology mean there may now be cyborgs living among us constructed of stone, or bronze or even iron? Only time will tell. Until then, one thing is certain: we “soft-skins” can only hope they're as wonderful and patriotic as our beloved wooden cyborg assassin president, who could apparently tell a lie.

you need more growth solution

If you’re a scientist, you need more shrinking solution than you do growing solution.

If you want to shrink an elephant, you have to cover the entire elephant in the solution to start it shrinking.

I’m sure having a vat of solution you can dip something into would help.

Then there’s the question of how the formula would work.

It could work as a constant as far as shrinking percentage goes.

That would be best as it wouldn’t involve anyone or anything shrinking out of existence.

You could infinitely apply it to someone and they would never disappear, they would just get smaller and smaller.

Unless there’s some kind of smallest matter rule, where they basically turn into an atom, then a proton, then a quark or gluon. 

I think turning into a gluon would count as not existing, at least from a quality of life perspective.

It isn’t as versatile as a time-solution though.

Where you can dip someone or something for a set period of time and they will shrink at a constant rate. 

That would mean you could use the same vat for any shrinking problem you need solved. This would also let you solve any “other” problems you have. Just drop anything into the vat and ta-da, it’s gone. 

Sometimes magic tricks are done with science.

However, if you shrink anyone unconscious, it’s not like they’ll be able to reverse the process.

They could still be saved by someone though. Either before the shrinking finishes, or afterwards with a microscope and a bit of growing solution.

Which brings me to my next point: you need very little growth solution.

It would still be a good idea to have the vat, for safety reasons.

Anything that grows large will need a good safe place to grow large.

A big vat’s a pretty good solution.

Now on this one, I actually think I would prefer to have a time solution.

It makes the most sense.

Well, unless someone can only grow so big before they explode, or the rules of nature cause the person to collapse in on themselves like a neutron star.

But barring that, it makes sense to have a timed solution.

Wait.

Maybe not.

If the solution has to be covering the entire surface, a salve might make more sense.

If it’s a time salve, you’ll have to keep reapplying, but if it’s a percentage salve, you can get the right percentage right off with one application.

 

I haven’t even raised the question of having an injectable solution.

I imagine this would be a certain percentage solution both ways, although, you could have a time-release solution, which in point of fact, is technically just a percentage solution.

I would treat it like a poison, so that whenever you make a solution, you make an anti-solution that will return you to your body status quo.

Injecting someone with a growing solution so that they’ll explode is a HORRIBLE way to get rid of them. I can’t stress this enough. Most likely they will do a lot of damage before they go, and the only way it would work is if you were stabbing them in the back and they were unaware that they were going to grow more than they were planning. EVEN THEN, when they figured it out, you’d be in trouble boy howdy!

Although if you were going to plan a lot of back stabbing, having injectable solutions is the way to go, because who’s to say what’s in the serum? You are, that’s who.

This might make you think that this is grounds for making some sort of unique characteristic for your solution, like a solution that glows.

Let me tell you the fault with that horrible plan.

You will begin to trust the solution without verifying because of that characteristic.

Which, if replicated, say with a broken glow stick in a hypodermic (which would absolutely kill you), you will be more apt to trust that it is the correct solution.

No my friend, the best solution is to make it look like water so you absolutely have to be certain that it’s the real deal.

I suppose if you have injectable solutions, you could have equal proportions of each. 

Although technically you will need higher parts per million for the growth solution, coupled with a time release mechanism so that when you start growing, the new tissue that is created will receive new growth solution. 

Would the same be true with shrinking solution? No, it would not. Because your tissue would all be soaked at the top and no new tissue would be created.

Although if no tissue was created during the growth process from an injectable solution, and your tissue was soaked from the top, you wouldn’t need more.

That’s probably the only argument for not needing more growth solution than shrinking solution.