Broken

She won't switch on.
You've engaged her stimulus zones numerous times.
You've been sure to create an Atmosphere of Pleasure.
There is music playing that she likes to hear.
You’ve washed and cleaned your exterior surface and orifices.
She won't switch on.
She says she's switched on.
But her autopilot is engaged.
You can see she is not Actively Involved.
You tell her your desire for her to be Actively Involved.
She says that she is.
She lies that she is.
You tell her to stop lying.
She says she is not feeling it.
Feeling what?
You ask her what she is not feeling.
She says this.
What does she mean by this?
You ask her what she means by this.
She says she doesn't know.
You don't understand.
You tell her that you don't understand.
You tell her about the music and the orifice cleaning.
She says she's aware of your efforts.
You ask what else you can do to switch her on.
She looks at you.
You look at her.
You try to make your face look caring and genuine.
You look at her.
She looks at you.
She wants to take a break.
This is difficult for you to process.
You are unable to comprehend the logic behind this decision.
You tell her you are unable to comprehend the logic behind this decision.
She looks at you.
You inquire as to what is wrong.
You inquire as to what you did wrong.
You inquire as to what you can do better.
You inquire as to what you can do to fix whatever you did wrong.
She looks at you.
She does not love you any more.
She says she does not love you any more.
You don't understand.
You tell her you don't understand.
Your eye fluid level fills to maximum.
Your eyes will leak unless you order them to maintain current levels.
You order them to maintain current levels.
The fluid builds up, but remains in reserve.
The fluid in your eyes leaks internally and rusts your throat.
You speak with a rusty throat.
You tell her you're sorry.
She looks at you.
You search for different phrases.
You search in the file labeled “persuasion.”
You tell her you'll do whatever you can to fix yourself.
She says there is nothing you can do.
You do not understand.
There is always something you can do.
You fix things all the time.
You can fix this.
You just need to know what is broken.
You tell her you can fix this.
She says she does not want to fix this.
You search for different phrases.
You search in the file labeled “desperation.”
You use too much processing power.
You are unable to maintain your eye fluid levels.
Your eyes leak.
You tell her that you need her.
You tell her she is everything.
She gets up.
She switches off your Pleasure Music.
She turns the lights to maximum luminosity.
She acquires clothing.
You register a feeling of nudity.
You register a feeling of shame for your exterior.
You are processing too much at one time.
You are unable to determine the best course of action.
You need more time.
You tell her to give you more time.
She says she is finished talking.
You are not finished talking.
You tell her you are not finished talking.
She is 85% covered in external-venturing garments.
She will be ready to venture from interior to exterior in approximately 143 more seconds.
You activate your energy-enhancement reserves.
You accelerate all movements.
You get up.
You run to her.
You grab her and repeat your previous statement.
She looks at you.
There is a lack of emotions present.
You ask why there is a lack of emotional expression created through her face.
She says she feels nothing towards you.
You are angry.
Your anger is fueled by your energy-enhancements.
Your external vocalizations increase in volume.
You state that YOU FEEL NOTHING FOR HER.
You register an acceleration in blood flow.
Your face absorbs extra blood.
Your face shades to red.
You are processing too much.
You must simplify.
You determine it best to state facts.
You state that YOU HAVE TRIED TO MAKE HER HAPPY!
Your vocal projector is not able to handle the stress created by the increased volume level.
Your vocal projector crackles.
Your vocal projector breaks.
You state that YoU trIED To DO EVerYthiNG SHE EVer askED OF yOU!
You state that YOu FIXed yoURSelF WHEnevER she FOUND a FLAw IN yOU!
Her exterior preparedness level is at 100%.
You are out of time.
She tells you goodbye.
She exits from interior to exterior.
She is gone.
You were unable to switch her on.
She was unable to switch on.
She broke you.
You are broken.

Do We Like Music According To The Way Our Minds Work?

Seems like a silly question, but I mean it more literally.

I noticed this morning that no matter what genre of music I listen to, it all kind of follows a pattern.

I like music that builds in intensity and energy, growing and spiraling off of itself.

Whether it’s instrumental, hip-hop, rock, metal, etc, it doesn’t matter.

 

Noticing this, I also happened to realize that this tends to be the pattern of my thoughts: there’s generally a number of underlying currents of consciousness, but then one new idea will spark, which will make a few of the currents louder and more pronounced, as this new idea forms other new idea-spinoffs in a weird thought-symphony/cacophony.

 

I wonder if people who listen to more flowing melodic music have more flowing melodic thoughts, and whether or not we all gravitate towards our own natural patterns inherently.
Maybe people who listen to old country are naturally more nostalgic in the way they think or they tend to focus more on their past, etc.

This would explain why certain people listen to certain music, and how that stereotype plays out in reality.

Maybe it explains why some music may be more pleasurable with the effects of certain drugs: death metal and cocaine, reggae and weed, trance and ecstasy, etc.

I'll be thinking about this all day... 

insomnia ramblings

It’s 12:27  and I’m trying to think of what to write.

I’m not in the mood for short stories, and I feel more like reading.

Hopefully this little blog will feel like a combination of both.

I don’t know why it would… unless I reread what I’ve written.

I’m listening to Gymnopedie 1 by Erik Satie.

http://songza.com/z/ylt15b

 

I wish I had larger speakers. I also I wish I had an lp player to play this and some other classical works.

I could open up my windows and play it. Some times it’s ok to be “that guy.” If I’m the “guy that always plays classical music with his windows open,” I can absolutely live with that. I love how classical music changes with you depending on your mood. I feel very thoughtful, but listening to Schubert’s Ave Maria (which is actually a different song, but known as Ave Maria), I could be contemplative, sad, or content, and it would enhance any of those feelings.

 

One of my landlords in Chicago used to play piano every once in a while during the summer. It was nice to come home to. Maybe that’s just the pretentious side in me, the immodest intellectual.

Which leads to my snobby side. And I’m VERY judgmental about classical music, the tempo, instruments, musician’s interpretation, etc. I’ll tell you what though, Ave Maria isn’t Christmas music. I found it on two separate Christmas collections while searching. No sir.

 

Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole. The end. Oh, and those starbucks cds you can buy with Christmas music that’s new and improved. They took all the old songs we love and jazzed em up and made them BETTER. I seem very bitter for some reason. I could care less I suppose, I still listen to the music I want. I guess it just grosses me out that people like stuff that I hate. I’m sure that’s the same with everyone. Even people open-minded enough not to make a face when someone says “yeah, I like the Jonas brothers. They’re really talented for being so young.” I always make a face. Like when Calvin’s dad is trying to take a Christmas photo of him. Anyone who gets that reference must have had at least a decent childhood. If you had Calvin and Hobbes to escape to, things couldn’t be all that bad, right?

i'm going to go read a short story and do some self-hypnosis.

 This was certainly a short and strange blog… but good for me to get in the habit of doing this regularly. Like the old saying, "practice makes you better at whatever you're practicing at."